Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Easter Weekend

When I was little, Easter used to be a big deal. We would wakeup early to find that the Easter Bunny had come to visit us. It brought lots of candy, movies, and an easter dress. This was a well looked forward to holiday!

Now that we are all "older" the Easter Bunny only comes for the little tykes. This year plastic eggs filled with candy were hidden all over the lawn Saturday. I wasn't there to witness this event but I heard the Easter Bunny was still lingering around after the fact. . . Once the kids had gathered all the eggs, a little bunny ran across the lawn. Ironic? I think not. Have a little faith people and believe.  :)

On the true day of Easter, we all went to church as a fam. (Except Danish and Bud. Work was their Easter. Sad day.) One thing to note - If there are more than two children under the age of 6 sitting on a bench with you, you should pretty much already know that you will not be listening to the talks.

The rest of the day was filled with laughter and love. It consumes the home when we are all together. This is how fantastically attractive and creative us Alders can be . . . .


Tryson in the background is my favorite

We received incredible genes

I'm feeling the love

One normal picture to top it off

Fantastic day. They never fail to make me happy, laugh, and smile.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tender. Breakable. Repairable.

Love. Such a  tender word. What even is love?? Longing to be with someone… You look at them and it sends a smile from ear to ear… You’d do anything for them… The person gives you butterflies... You feel THEIR sorrows, sadness, AND happiness… You feel like one person together…

Love is an amazing feeling. But it can hurt. It can hurt real badly. There is nothing more to say. You think that you have life at your fingertips and then it’s all gone in a split second. 
So here I am lying in bed. I have no motivation to go to class. Which is fine because I don’t really like my Tuesday/Thursday class anyways.

So yes, I am hurt. Most of my day yesterday was spent working my tear ducts. I believe they have been fully exercised now. I HATE crying so, so much. Mostly I dislike it when people see me cry. I feel weak and vulnerable.

So no I didn’t want to answer the phone when you called me three times in a row. Why?... 

1. I didn’t want you to know how much it really hurts. I was trying to be strong and do the right thing.

2. I couldn’t even talk on the phone. It was ridiculous really. 

When I finally answered after a pleading text to just talk, my heart sank to hear your voice. Oh how I’d missed it. Once you heard I was crying, you said you just wanted to hold me and make me feel better. I wanted you to hold me too. That gave me so much comfort, although you just made me cry even more. The floodgates opened. You called me babe and sweetheart. I love when you turn all tender and the walls fall down. You are no longer trying to be strong. You would do anything for me.  

This hurts. It hurts so bad. I just crushed my own heart. How could I do that…

So much has happened in my life the past three months that it could pretty much be made into a movie. I think it would do quite well against the critics. It’s filled with happiness, love, sorrow, despair and so much more.


I was talking to my Dadio today and he somehow helped turn all the numerous random thoughts that are swimming around in my mind into words of wisdom. After I spoke, I had to take it in. Take it to heart. These were the words: “It’s hard to not focus so much on the past because I can see it. I can reflect on it. The future is so unknown that it’s hard to hope for the best right now. So I just have to look at it as an adventure and live life to the fullest; not looking back.” After those words, I felt like a guru. A possible career for me?? Ok, maybe not.

Sometimes I tend to do this thing called repel the people that love me. Why? I don’t really know, but I do know that I follow the feelings that guide and direct me day to day. I trust those feelings. After the heart heals. . . There is still another who has shown me love and would do anything for me. So why am I holding back? . . . . 




I'm trying to dance in the rain even though it's pouring out. I can hear the thunder and see the lightning. 


Time to turn up the music.